It is with a heavy heart I confirm the recent allegations which have come to light are true. I did indeed do PG-13 things with that jar of peanut butter. At this moment I would like to remind the public of the facts. Both the jar of peanut butter and I are above the ace of 18, that is again over the age of consent in the state of Virginia. Additionally the jar of peanut butter was like a total slut I mean if she wasn’t asking for it she wouldn’t have worn that dress. Like come on guys, she was made from peanuts that came from green M&M’s